


gathered here today

by EntertainMeChen



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: AU, Chanyeol is just trying to be a good boyfriend, Chanyeol is the very tired boyfriend, M/M, Matchmaker Byun Baekhyun, Xiuchen is the relationship that you can't tell if they hate or love each other, also jongdae is weirdly perverted like me, baekhyun is all about those internet trends, how does one write texting fics, ill update the tags as the story goes along, kyungsoo and sehun will appear later, no one dies here but my title suggests the don't be mISLED, text fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-01-07 09:06:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 10,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12229809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EntertainMeChen/pseuds/EntertainMeChen
Summary: baekhyun decides to make a group chat, for better or for worse, their sanities and innocence will be missed.





	1. welcome

**_bacon_ added _santas lost elf, screams in dino, mother, galaxy boi, lu, gucci, minnie, KYA,_ and _lay me down_ to the chat**

 

 **bacon** welcome

 

 **bacon** you all must be wondering why I’ve gathered you here today

 

 **screams in dino** minseok why isn't your name capitalized 

 

 **minnie** because i don't want it to be

 

 **screams in dino** thats not correct

 

 **minnie** that’s*^

 

 **screams in dino** fuck off

 

 **mother** don’t swear

 

 **screams in dino** why the fuck not

 

 **galaxy boi** listen to your mother

 

 **screams in dino** you and your wife can go fuck each other

 

 **galaxy boi** gladly

 

 **mother** wait

 

 **mother** who said i wanted to 

 

 **galaxy boi** so you don't want to

 

 **mother** i didn't say that

 

 **bacon** guys

 

 **bacon** y'all 

 

 **bacon** my dudes

 

 **santas lost elf** buddy boys

 

 **bacon** this is why I'm dating you

 

 **lu** can you tell us why you added us to this chat baek

 

 **bacon** i was waiting for junmyeon and yifan to finish

 

 **galaxy boi** we’re done

 

 **bacon** good

 

 **bacon** i was gonna continue even if you weren’t

 

 **bacon** i invited you all here today

 

 **bacon** so we can all talk

 

 **lay me down** is that all

 

 **gucci** we can talk to each other privately 

 

 **santas lost elf** wheres the fun in that

 

 **bacon** this is why i love you

 

 **KYA** dont act lovey dovey here

 

 **KYA** some of us don't have a boyfriend

 

 **bacon** THAT

 

 **bacon** is the other reason why you're all here today

 

 **minnie** oh no

 

 **mother** i have an idea whats gonna happen

 

 **bacon** we’re gonna play match maker for TWO

 

 **screams in dino** two

 

 **bacon** thats right TWO

 

 **bacon** TWO lonely souls here in this very chat

 

 **santas lost elf** this very chat?

 

 **bacon** thats right THIS very chat

 

 **screams in dino** they hype each other up thats cute

 

 **lu** its annoying 

 

 **bacon** the two lonely souls are 

 

 **bacon** LUHAN

 

 **lu** shit

 

 **bacon** and JONGIN

 

 **bacon** these lost and lonely souls

 

 **KYA** oh so now we’re lost too

 

 **bacon** lEMME FINISH TALKING SHUT THE FUCK UP

 

 **bacon** as I was saying

 

 **bacon** luhan and jongin are very lonely

 

 **lu** since when

 

 **screams in dino** since now

 

 **bacon** and haven't been fucked in a long time

 

 **lu** who says i like to be the one getting fucked

 

 **lay me down** guys please

 

 **galaxy boi** is that really necessary to say here 

 

 **lu** if baek is gonna pair me with someone i need them to know what i like

 

 **bacon** but you’re boyfriend isn't going to be just ANYONE

 

 **bacon** its going to be your crushes

 

 **KYA** nope i need to leave

 

 **lu** me too

 

 **lu** im booking a plane ticket to america

 

 **lay me down** you don't even speak English

 

 **lu** ill learn

 

 **KYA** I'm flying across the world nope not today fuckers

 

 **minnie** jongin dont you wanna fuck kyungsoo

 

 **KYA** i do!

 

 **screams in dino** kyungsoo

 

 **KYA** you need to shut up

 

 **lu** i mean i wanna date sehun

 

 **lu** but i dont want baek setting us up

 

 **bacon** first of all I'm offended 

 

 **bacon** second of all I'm doing it

 

 **KYA** baek no

 

 **gucci** hes not gonna respond

 

 **lay me down** yeah he's probably texting sehun and kyungsoo about how much you guys wanna fuck them

 

 **lu** chanyeol you’re his boyfriend

 

 **KYA** YEAH CONTROL YOUR BOYFRIEND

 

 **santas lost elf** first of all one does not simply “control” baekhyun

 

 **santas lost elf** and second of all he’ll bite me if i try to take his phone away from him

 

 **mother** well man up

 

 **screams in dino** no you don't understand

 

 **screams in dino** baekhyun can bite softly

 

 **screams in dino** and he can bite HARD

 

 **santas lost elf** exactly 

 

 **santas lost elf** last time he bit me i drew blood

 

 **gucci** you guys are over-reacting 

 

 **bacon** guess what bitches

 

 **galaxy boi** oh no

 

 **bacon** i got y'all a date

 


	2. no, WE'RE the cutest!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Luhan got a girlfriend and I am extremely happy for him but I don't wanna end this series before it even got started. By writing Hunhan I am not trying to say I disapprove of Luhans relationship, I am very happy for him, but I just wanna follow the line of plot where everyone in EXO is dating one other person in the group, hence Hunhan will continue throughout this story.

**lu** baekhyun

 

 **lu** bAEKHYUN

 

 **lu** I just got a text from sehun

 

 **lu** ohmygod what do i do

 

 **mother** respond dumbass

 

 **KYA** i got a text from kyungsoo too ohmygod

 

 **lu** im gonna jump off of a cliff

 

 **bacon** unfortunately there are no cliffs close to your location 

 

 **minnie** that means you have to answer the fucking text

 

 **gucci** they can be such a handful sometimes

 

 **galaxy boi** well can you blame them they’re in a group chat full of couples

 

 **bacon** especially with as such a cute couple as me and yeolie

 

 **screams in dino** um

 

 **screams in dino** minseok and i are obviously the cutest couple 

 

 **galaxy boi** junmyeon and i are the cutest

 

 **lay me down** do i even bother 

 

 **gucci** why not 

 

 **lay me down** okay

 

 **lay me down** zitao and I are the cutest couple here

 

 **bacon** please 

 

 **bacon** tell me why

 

 **lay me down** well for one we’re the only one that uses their mind

 

 **screams in dino** but it turns to mush when you’re fucking him senseless 

 

 **mother** :O

 

 **mother** jONGDAE

 

 **screams in dino** CANT BLAME ME FOR TELLING THE TRUTH

 

 **minnie** I sometimes doubt why I'm dating you

 

 **screams in dino** it's cuz you love me

 

 **minnie** debatable 

 

 **screams in dino** [1 image attachment]

 

 **minnie** don't give me those pouty lips

 

 **screams in dino** don't you wanna kiss these pouty lips

 

 **bacon** guys get a room

 

 **screams in dino** the door of opportunity is slowly closing

 

 **screams in dino** oh shit I hear himsbfn

 

 **gucci** 5 bucks say they’re fucking

 

 **KYA** you’re on

 

 **minnie** zitao you gotta give jongin five bucks now

 

 **gucci** shit 

 

 **gucci** y'all didn't even think about it

 

 **screams in dino** our relationship isn't always about sex

 

 **minnie** but it does take up a portion of it

 

 **screams in dino** sHUSH

 

 **minnie** besides all I wanted was a kiss 

 

 **mother** did you get it

 

 **minnie** yes

 

 **bacon** I want a kiss now

 

 **santas lost elf** no

 

 **bacon** :(

 

 **santas lost elf** no

 

 **bacon** [1 image attachment]

 

 **santas lost elf** won't work on me fucker 

 

 **santas lost elf** I spent years working to be immune to that

 

 **bacon** fine

 

 **bacon** I guess I'm gonna have to get that kiss myself 

 

 **galaxy boi** oh shit 

 

 **galaxy boi** watch out yeolie

 

 **santas lost elf** he won't do anything

 

 **santas lost elf** wait I hear him

 

 **screams in dino** minseok part 2

 

 **minnie** I'm so popular acts are named after me 

 

 **santas lost elf** oh he's stomping he's here

 

 **santas lost elf** if he tries to kiss me I swearbqndb 

 

 **lay me down** jongdae part 2

 

 **lu** that's sexual harassment

 

 **santas lost elf** he left with a kiss

 

 **bacon** mission accomplished 

 

 **KYA** did we even determine who's the cutest couple

 

 **lay me down** nope

 

 **lay me down** but we learned that baek and minseok will do anything to get a kiss

 

 **bacon** BUT GUYS

 

 **bacon** WHAT DID THE TEXT SAY

 

 **KYA** brb gonna drive my car and crash it

 

 **lu** gonna book a plane and dive out of it

 

 **screams in dino** y'all hoes better not

 

 **screams in dino** what did sehun and kyungsoo say

 

 **mother** send screenshots preferably 

 

 **lu** [2 image attachments]

 

 **KYA** [3 image attachments]

 

 **santas lost elf** so y'all are going on dates

 

 **galaxy boi** wow baeks plan actually worked I'm surprised 

 

 **bacon** eXCUSE YOUR GAY ASS I AM CUPID

 

 **santas lost elf** I heard him gasp 

 

 **santas lost elf** he's choking now

 

 **minnie** is he dead

 

 **bacon** no fucker 

 

 **minnie** drat 

 

 **KYA** I'm going on a date

 

 **lay me down** are you gonna ask to suck kyungsoos dick on the first date

 

 **KYA** nO!

 

 **KYA** that's like the third date

 

 **screams in dino** WoWOwWoOOWWOooWWww

 

 **minnie** he actually said that out loud I really can't

 

 **gucci** what are you a white girl

 

 **screams in dino** stfu you probably own ugg boots

 

 **lay me down** can confirm

 

 **lay me down** I saw them at the back of his closet

 

 **gucci** YIXING

 

 **mother** kids stop fighting 

 

 **bacon** okay mother

 

 **mother** I swear I loose a year every time I have to see this unfold 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the support on the first chapter, Camila and Layla fuck you guys, Vanessa you're sweet, love y'all


	3. SO, the date...went

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support for the past two chapters, it makes my heart happy

**bacon** so

 

**santas lost elf** so

 

**santas lost elf** how did the date go jongin

 

**bacon** we’re so in sync i love you

 

**minnie** shut up we don't wanna hear about your love we wanna hear about jongins

 

**KYA** exactly 

 

**lay me down** so how did the date go

 

**KYA** it went great

 

**gucci** did you tell him you wanted to fuck him

 

**KYA** zitao if you don't shut up

 

**lay me down** don’t kill my boyfriend please and thank you

 

**KYA** can’t make any promises

 

**gucci** fucker

 

**screams in dino** zitao shut the hell up

 

**minnie** i wanna hear how his date went

 

**lu** me too i need tips for my date tomorrow 

 

**KYA** okay so we went out for ice-cream 

 

**gucci** and you got a boner watching how he ate that ice-cream and curling his tongue around it

 

**lay me down** never mind what i said you can kill him

 

**santas lost elf** this is weird its usually jongdae saying this sexual stuff

 

**screams in dino** YEAH

 

**screams in dino** STOP STEALING MY BRAND 

 

**minnie** anyway please continue

 

**KYA** and he paid for me

 

**lu** how sweet

 

**bacon** yeolie how come you don’t pay for me when we go out

 

**santas lost elf** maybe because you’re a grown ass man and can pay for yourself

 

**bacon** :(

 

**screams in dino** we’re not doing this again

 

**mother** continue jongin

 

**KYA** y’all fucks are so rude

 

**KYA** interrupting me and shit

 

**gucci** if you don’t hurry up and finish the conversation is gonna go in a different direction

 

**KYA** okay so anyway we went out for ice cream

 

**galaxy boi** nice and sweet

 

**KYA** i know right

 

**KYA** and kyungsoo seems all mean and shit

 

**santas lost elf** that’s because he is

 

**bacon** seconded

 

**KYA** but he can actually be really nice and soft

 

**minnie** sof

 

**screams in dino** is he not nice and sof to you back

 

**bacon** nO

 

**bacon** he once slapped me in the face

 

**lay me down** probably deserved it

 

**bacon** :O 

 

**bacon** that’s not nice yixing

 

**lay me down** who said i was nice

 

**bacon** that’s your whole theme

 

**bacon** you’re the nice one

 

**bacon** jongdaes the perverted one

 

**screams in dino** very much true

 

**bacon** minseok acts more like jongdaes mom sometimes than junmyeon and his actual mom

 

**minnie** wow

 

**minnie** im—

 

**KYA** disgusted?

 

**minnie** sure

 

**mother** offended 

 

**galaxy boi** I thought you didn't even liked being referred to as the mom

 

**mother** times change yifan now shut up

 

**lu** can we keep on track please

 

**screams in dino** too late we’re lost

 

**KYA** great

 

**KYA** but that's how the date went

 

**lu** noted

 

**lu** I'm gonna die when it's my turn for my date

 

**lay me down** stfu you’re not

 

**lu** yOU DONT KNOW ME 

 

**mother** I do I'm your mother

 

**screams in dino** shut up mom

 

**galaxy boi** don't talk to your mother that way

 

**bacon** shut up dad

 

**mother** the disrespect—

 

**gucci** your children are out of hand

 

**santas lost elf** and you’re not

 

**gucci** you know what

 

**santas lost elf** what

 

**gucci** fuck off

 

**minnie** we do not use those goddamn words in this mother fucking house hold

 

**screams in dino** I wonder where I got it from

 

**lu** you too are so in love leave

 

**screams in dino** okay

 

**minnie** peace fuckers 

 


	4. zitao you little shit

**bacon** y'all fuckers

 

**screams in dino** what do you want

 

**bacon** can i not text my best friends in the whole world

 

**minnie** no

 

**mother** someone usually gets roped up into one of your crazy ideas

 

**santas lost elf** that person is usually me

 

**bacon** love you babe

 

**santas lost elf** yeah yeah whatever

 

**galaxy boi** but what do you want

 

**gucci** don’t try to make us into experiments to see if we could get superpowers

 

**bacon** it nearly worked!

 

**lay me down** you put blue food coloring in water and tried to inject us with it 

 

**lay me down** saying it would make our eyes blue

 

**bacon** well we’ll never know since you guys never let me

 

**KYA** i wonder why

 

**minie** baeks probably horny

 

**minnie** yeol take care of him

 

**santas lost elf** n o o o o oooo o

 

**santas lost elf** im too tired for sex

 

**screams in dino** but you’re not tired enough to go to sleep

 

**santas lost elf** exactly 

 

**lu** yu c k

 

**bacon** oh shut up we all know the rough sex you wanna have with sehun

 

**lu** wE DO NOT _SPEAK_ ABOUT THAT

 

**galaxy boi** now that i realize

 

**galaxy boi** why don't we add kyungsoo and sehun to the chat

 

**KYA** NO

 

**screams in dino** YES

 

**lu** FUCK NO

 

**gucci** FUCK YES

 

**gucci** ILL ADD THEM

 

**KYA** I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD ZITAO

 

**minnie** HURRY ZITAO

 

**lu** I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU

 

**_gucci_ added _child_ and _satan_ to the chat**

 

**lu** hello wonderful human sehun

 

**screams in dino** HI FUCKERS

 

**satan** jongdae even though your user says screams doesn't mean you can scream

 

**galaxy boi** ooohhh salty

 

**satan** stfu

 

**child** so you guys had a whole groupchat without us two

 

**satan** i bet you fucks talked shit about us

 

**bacon** quite the contrary

 

**bacon** the whole reason we made this chat was for the opposite reason

 

**KYA** you fuck—

 

**santas lost elf** uh-oh i hear footsteps watch out baek

 

**bacon** he could never get mefnds

 

**minnie** he got him

 

**satan** so is baekhyun dead

 

**bacon** QUITE THE CONTRARY

 

**child** fuck

 

**mother** :OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

**lay me down** look at what you’ve done

 

**child** am i not supposed to swear

 

**mother** SEHUN YOU ARE A CHILD

 

**mother** DO NOT SAY BAD WORDS

 

**child** what—

 

**screams in dino** he got on my dick about it too don't worry

 

**mother** JONGDAE

 

**mother** WAS IT YOU WHO CORRUPTED THE CHILD

 

**screams in dino** …maybe

 

**mother** :O

 

**screams in dino** WE LIVE IN THE SAME APARTMENT AND I SWEAR HOP OFF MY DICK

 

**minnie** jongdae i love you but shut up

 

**satan** some boyfriend

 

**screams in dino** the best

 

**bacon** SPEAKING OF BOYFRIENDS

 

**santas lost elf** baek jongin will attack you

 

**gucci** he attac

 

**lay me down** but he won’t protecc

 

**bacon** YOU AND SEHUN DONT HAVE BOYFRIENDS RIGHT KYUNGSOO

 

**KYA** …

 

**satan** yeaaahhhh

 

**child** yeah i’m not dating anyone 

 

**galaxy boi** baeks fucked

 

**bacon** WELL ITS YOUR LUCKY DAY

 

**lu** baekhyun

 

**bacon** BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO PEOPLE IN THIS WONDERFUL GROUP CHAT WHO WANT A BOYFRIEND

 

**screams in dino** i can hear jongin running down the hallway from our apartment can you minseok

 

**minnie** loud and clear

 

**satan** i know jongin is single

 

**child** then who’s the other person

 

**lu** JONGIN

 

**bacon** hello this is jongin and i will be confiscating baekhyuns phone until he grows a filter thank

 

**santas lost elf** i hear baek struggling don’t hurt him

 

**galaxy boi** yeah that’d be a lot of paper work to fill out

 

**bacon** baekhyun asked if you guys cared about him at all

 

**screams in dino** no

 

**minnie** depends on my mood

 

**santas lost elf** course i do

 

**lu** that doesn't count you’re dating him

 

**bacon** anyway I'm gonna keep his phone bye

 

**mother** well

 

**satan** we won’t have to suffer through that for a while

 

**gucci** that wasn't even the worst of it

 

**satan** you guys are veterans of the baekhyun war

 

**minnie** we’ve struggled for years


	5. look at what you made him do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i originally wrote this a couple days after taylor released look what you made me do and this happened

**bacon** i 

 

**bacon** dont 

 

**bacon** like your little games

 

**screams in dino** oh ffs baek

 

**gucci** i dont like your tilted stage

 

**gucci** the role you made me play

 

**minnie** i always knew you were white girl trash

 

**bacon** OH

 

**bacon** LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO

 

**bacon** LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO

 

**gucci** LOOK WHAT YOU JUST MADE ME DO

 

**gucci** LOOK WHAT YOU JUST MADE ME DO

 

**santas lost elf** he's been blasting that song every day

 

**mother** Taylor's version is bad 

 

**bacon** OH I KNOW

 

**bacon** IVE BEEN LISTENING TO A COVER AND ITS GOOD

 

**child** doubt it

 

**KYA** send it over

 

**bacon** [[1 link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Icusw2_VRno)]

 

**screams in dino** holy shit thats pretty good

 

**child** i was wrong thats amazing

 

**bacon** RIGHT

 

**lay me down** what I wanna know is how did baek type that in English and everyone seemed to 

 

know what it said

 

**bacon** it’s a universal thing

 

**screams in dino** it’s been everywhere

 

**screams in dino** and i got curious and looked up the lyrics and I just recognized them

 

**minnie** dae pls

 

**screams in dino** don’t _bully_ me minseok

 

**galaxy boi** it is a really bad song sung by Taylor

 

**mother** oh its fucking terrible

 

**gucci** apparently the lyrics are throwing shade at someone

 

**minnie** we don’t give a shit who though

 

**galaxy boi** lovely

 

**satan** this is what I come back to what the fuck

 

**bacon** hello welcome back

 

**KYA** you don’t wanna be here

 

**minnie** does anyone

 

**bacon** yeol does right yeol

 

**santas lost elf** I

 

**bacon** yEOL

 

**bacon** CHANYEOL GET BACK HERE YOU FUCK

 

**lay me down** he flew

 

**gucci** he outta this bih

 

**screams in dino** zitao don’t be fucking illiterate 

 

**lu** bully

 

**galaxy boi** luhan shut up

 

**lu** don’t tell me what to do you shit

 

**gucci** :O

 

**mother** how did we end up here

 

**screams in dino** iTs A mYstErY Wooo Oo Oo

 

**minnie** im breaking up with him

 

**screams in dino** pls no o o o o :(((((((

 

**screams in dino** wait minseok

 

**screams in dino** wait minseok no please reconsider

 

**mother** uh oh trouble in paradise

 

**child** more like trouble in hell 

 

**child** I hear jongdae running to catch minseok

 

**mother** wait is minseok running away

 

**minnie** of fucking course

 

**bacon** that’s not a very boyfriend-like thing to do

 

**satan** when did you suddenly care

 

**bacon** no need to be rude kyungsoo you’ll find your one and only one day

 

**KYA** …

 

**lu** o h hh h h 

**KYA** luhan dont make me

 

**lu** you wouldn’t dare you fuck

 

**screams in dino** GUYS MINSEOK ISNT BREAKING UP WITH ME YA A AY Y 

 

**minnie** don’t push your luck you fucktard


	6. no, seriously, think about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're two kudos away from 100 kudos wow thx guys

**bacon** guys

 

**mother** no

 

**bacon** I have a theory

 

**minnie** jongdae how would you like to move to the states and away from baek

 

**screams in dino** i would love that minseok

 

**satan** im lazy but I will fly _away_

 

**bacon** what if I came from another planet

 

**child** yeol please tell baekhyun to stop doing drugs

 

**santas lost elf** I didn’t even know he was doing them

 

**bacon** no but seriously what if we all were from different planets

 

**lu** baekhyun what the fuck

 

**bacon** and we all had powers

 

**KYA** baekhyun what comic idea are you stealing

 

**bacon** NONE

 

**bacon** it’s a genuine theory 

 

**bacon** like I fell from a different planet and landed here on earth

 

**lay me down** and I’m the magical unicorn that healed you from your injuries 

 

**bacon** EXACTLY

 

**lay me down** baek pls learn how to notice sarcasm

 

**lu** baekhyun what the fuck

 

**bacon** ITS A THEORY

 

**satan** a pretty shitty one at that

 

**gucci** what did we even do on this other planet

 

**bacon** IM GLAD YOU ASKED

 

**santas lost elf** great you got him started

 

**bacon** so we all have powers right

 

**mother** no

 

**bacon** shut up

 

**bacon** anyway

 

**bacon** we all live on this planet and we have guns and shit right

 

**bacon** and sehun is absolute _shit_ at taking aim

 

**child** excuse your gay ass

 

**lu** don’t insult :((((((((

 

**screams in dino** choke on a dick luhan

 

**galaxy boi** jongdae what the fuck

 

**santas lost elf** guys stop interrupting back you’re giving him more time to think

 

**gucci** you’re right continue baek

 

**bacon** and then like the source of our powers are orbs

 

**minnie** are we the power rangers

 

**lu** oh hell yeah I wanna be the blue one

 

**bacon** SHUT UP LUHAN LEMME FINISH

 

**bacon** and like a robot thing stole our power orbs

 

**minnie** so we are the power rangers

 

**screams in dino** i wanna be the one who dates whichever one minseok is

 

**bacon** and like we gotta kill it and we all band up and attacc it but my white cat

 

**santas lost elf** this was all a ploy to get me to buy you a cat right

 

**bacon** CORRECT but also this is a theory

 

**bacon** my cat clicked a button that killed it and we all got our orbs back but then I fell to earth

 

**lay me down** and I the healing unicorn come heal you with my magical healing powers

 

**child** but if we all are up there how come yixing isn’t there with us

 

**bacon** cuz hes a unicorn who makes flowers and flowers cant grow on our planet

 

**galaxy boi** fair enough

 

**screams in dino** but are you done

 

**bacon** wait

 

**bacon** yeoliepleasebuymeacatandiwillloveyouforever

 

**bacon** okay now I am

 

**santas lost elf** so you didn’t already love me forever 

 

**bacon** that will make sure I do

 

**santas lost elf** ffs

 

 

 


	7. mi torta

**bacon** schmoopie 

 

**bacon** sweet babboo 

 

**satan** Chanyeol is baek cheating on you because this

 

**screams in dino** this is  unu sua l

 

**minnie** jongdae stop i can’t read if you type like that

 

**screams in dino** learn then motherfucker 

 

**santas lost elf** baek wtf 

 

**bacon** MI TORTA

 

**satan** he suddenly typed in spanish baekhyun r u ok

 

**gucci** he never is i thought we established this already

 

**mother** but who is he talking to 

 

**bacon** TO CHANYEOL

 

**santas lost elf** since when have I ever said I liked any of those petnames

 

**bacon** since now

 

**santas lost elf** baekhyun no

 

**screams in dino** baekhyun yes

 

**bacon** this is why dae is my bestest friend

 

**galaxy boi** i just got here

 

**KYA** then you should leave

 

**KYA** right away

 

**mother** save yourself

 

**santas lost elf** yeah im gonna leave too

 

**bacon** HONEYPIE NO

 

**minnie** would honeypie even taste good

 

**KYA** no that sounds gross

 

**santas lost elf** baek has never done so much exercise in his life

 

**santas lost elf** the amount of times I’ve heard him fucking sprinting to my room is amazing

 

**minnie** video or it didn’t happen

 

**santas lost elf** [1 video attachment]

 

**minnie** he fucking jumped on you r u ok

 

**lay me down** I’ve been watching this all unfold

 

**gucci** its entertaining right

 

**lay me down** very

 

**lay me down** oh yeah does anyone know where luhan is

 

**screams in dino** oh right I forgot

 

**screams in dino** he went out on his date with sehun today

 

**mother** and you didn’t think to spill

 

**screams in dino** to be honest I erased my memory from a couple of hours ago

 

**gucci** dae what the fuck why

 

**minnie** cuz he needs more room to remember all those sick memes he finds to store in his brain

 

**screams in dino** ;) correct

 

**galaxy boi** im disowning both of you

 

**lay me down** but when will they be back

 

**satan** maybe not for a while

 

**satan** they might have sex on the first date

 

**screams in dino** okay everyone needs to stop fucking stealing my lines

 

**mother** poor dae cant be the pervert how sad

 

**screams in dino** it is sad now fuck off

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is actually gonna be hunhans date dont worry i havent forgotten


	8. so...you guys...didn't fuck?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy thanksgiving loves also the hunhan date is finally here ive been saying they're gonna do on date since like chapter 2

**lu** I’m back

 

**KYA** why

 

**screams in dino** yeah why

 

**lu** stop being rude

 

**child** I’m back too

 

**minnie** are you guys in bed together texting here

 

**lu** are you saying that you think we slept together 

 

**lu** on the first fucking date

 

**screams in dino** brb I’m gonna smack Minseok for stealing my lines o nce ag ai n

 

**minnie** and I’m gonna reenroll you into school you illiterate fuck

 

**screams in dino** agdjahdhsh you dare—

 

**mother** y’all shut up and let hunhan tell us about their date

 

**lu** hunhan 

 

**child** luhans blushing 

 

**lu** sehun is bruising now 

 

**galaxy boi** so you guys did bone on the first date

 

**lay me down** lu did you just slap sehun

 

**lu** no and yes

 

**gucci** I’m shocked 

 

**satan** that they didn’t fuck on the first date so am i 

 

**child** ffs guys we’re just hanging out

 

**screams in dino** wait you guys are here 

 

**screams in dino** i didn’t even hear y’all come in

 

**lu** we’re sneeky

 

**child** I’m gonna leave now that he said that

 

**lu** N OO O OO 

 

**galaxy boi** trouble in paradise 

 

**minnie** more like trouble in sehuns bed I heard luhan actually scream that

 

**minnie** dae you’re more like him than you think 

 

**KYA** but we never actually heard what y’all did on the first date

 

**satan** they didn’t fuck so I’ve lost all interest in it now

 

**child** I’m offended 

 

**satan** good 

 

**gucci** i wanna know 

 

**lu** thank you zitao 

 

**lu** we went to the carnival 

 

**gucci** OO o OO o o 

 

**gucci** yixing why don’t you take me to the carnival 

 

**lay me down** because you’re such a little pussy you’ll cry the whole time we go on rides

 

**mother** AGDJAHD WOW HARSH

 

**satan** i don’t doubt it

 

**screams in dino** huh interesting 

 

**KYA** i an hear daes gears turning 

 

**KYA** also did anyone notice chanyeol and baek aren’t here

 

**minnie** i didn’t cuz i was scared they were gonna come back

 

**screams in dino** i miss baek :(((((

 

**mother** i don’t hes a little shit 

 

**screams in dino** jonginnn where did my bestie gooo o o o oo 

 

**KYA** they went on a date 

 

**galaxy boi** how nice 

 

**satan** que bien 

 

**gucci** bitch tf did you just say

 

**satan** how nice in Spanish 

 

**mother** okay you’ve sang _one_ time in Spanish 

 

**mother** and even though your pronunciation was amazing 

 

**mother** doesn’t mean you can type in Spanish 

 

**satan** why not

 

**lay me down** cuz we can’t understand it you could be bad talking us

 

**screams in dino** google translate exists for a reason sweaty

 

**minnie** i hate you 

 

**screams in dino** my l u v

 

**child** when are they gonna be back

 

**KYA** idek 

 

**KYA** i hope they just don’t come bursting through the door humping like rabbits 

 

**mother** bleh 

 

**galaxy boi** junmyeon stfu

 

**screams in dino** yeah bleh 

 

**minnie** Jongdae you stfu too


	9. backhand

****

**screams in dino** backhand

 

**bacon** yes

 

**satan** before we continue can we just take a second to realize baek actually responded to dae

 

**KYA** i dont question it anymore

 

**bacon** I have many names 

 

**santas** **lost** **elf** is annoying idiot one of them

 

**bacon** yeolliiieeeeee

 

**bacon** that’s not niiiicccceeeee

 

**bacon** :(((((((((((((

 

**screams** **in** **dino** nooo o OO o baekie don’t be sad :((((

 

**bacon** :

 

**bacon** (

 

**minnie** jongdae do you love Baekhyun more than me

 

**screams** **in dino** nooo oo o o 

 

**screams** **in** **dino** i love Candy more

 

**gucci** what

 

**screams** **in** **dino** and Mang-Gu

 

**KYA** bitch what

 

**screams** **in** **dino** yeeeeaaaahhhhh

 

**minnie** so im second place to a dog

 

**screams** **in** **dino** actually third place

 

**minnie** bitch—

 

**screams** **in** **dino** baek is in fourth place

 

**minnie** I hold in my complaints

 

**bacon** the fuck

 

**satan** welp

 

**santas** **lost** **elf** don’t worry baek you’re number one for me

 

**bacon** stfu yeol

 

**lay** **me** **down** backhand

 

**bacon** wassup

 

**mother** your name isn’t backhand why do you keep responding to it 

 

**bacon** how do u know

 

**galaxy** **boi** yeah how would you know junmyeon

 

**mother** I’m

 

**bacon** thats what I thought

 

**lu** i arrived to this

 

**lu** baek you should change your name to backhand

 

**bacon** I will

 

**_bacon_ changed to _backhand_**

 

**backhand** a new era

 

**lay** **me** **down** a new century 

 

**santas** **lost** **elf** for gods sake

 

**backhand** this is who I am now yeol

 

**backhand** do you still love me 

 

**backhand** even if I’m not bacon anymore

 

**santas** **lost** **elf** course I do

 

**minnie** wow what kind of k-drama is this

 

**lay me down** its obviously a soap opera 

 

**satan** can I change the channel

 

**galaxy boi** stfu kyungsoo

 

**satan** ill stab you

 

**KYA** pls stop this kyungsoo

 

**satan** okay

 

**KYA** thx

 

**mother** what the fuck just happened

 

**gucci** this is a point in history

 

**minnie** we changed the channel to an actual love dovey show

 

**screams in dino** is that how we are minseok

 

**minnie** I dont fucking know I’m third on your list

 

**KYA** your relationship is jongdae saying random shit

 

**lay me down** and minseok just sighing

 

**minnie** okay accurate

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> layla keeps fucking complaining that the chapters are too short well fuck you layla i wont dedicate lines to you if you keep it up


	10. im sowwy :((((

**backhand** iM BACK FUCKERS

 

**mother** please go away again

 

**backhand** tHATS NOT NICE HOW YOU TREAT YOUR SON MOTHER :”((((

 

**screams in dino** yeah mom that’s not nice

 

**lu** I second junmyeons statement leave

 

**santas lost elf** if you tell him to leave he’ll come to me

 

**galaxy boi** and is that a bad thing

 

**santas lost elf** …

 

**santas lost elf** yes 

 

**backhand** YEOLIE

 

**backhand** WHY ARE YOU BEING MEAN TO M E 

 

**backhand** IM FEELING SO UNLOVED 

 

**screams in dino** NO BAEKKIE I LOVE YOU

 

**backhand** A A W W W W W W THANK YOU DAE I LOVE YOU TOO

 

**lu** but where were you

 

**galaxy boi** yeah believe it or not junmyeon missed you

 

**mother** yifan shut the fuck up

 

**bacon** JUNN N M Y EE O O N N NN 

 

**bacon** :”))))

 

**minnie** lord

 

**gucci** baek where were you

 

**backhand** oh you knoowwwwww

 

**backhand** holidays and family

 

**santas lost elf** clinging to me when drunk

 

**backhand** that too

 

**backhand** it was just fa mi ly ti me zit a o

 

**lay me down** and are we not your family too

 

**backhand** YIXING OF COURSE YOU GUYS ARE

 

**backhand** it’s just that I haven’t spent time with them for a while :(((((

 

**minnie** it’s chill baek

 

**gucci** yeah it’s gucci 

 

**screams in dino** tao no

 

**gucci** tao yes

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry i havent updated in over a month, mid-terms came up with a bunch of projects due and then christmas and family and this probably a reallllyyyy sucky apology but i am really sorry and ill have the next chapter posted by monday or tuesday of next week. 
> 
> again, im really sorry for neglecting this story. 
> 
> (also this is a really crap chapter im sowwy my crack writing skills are a bit rusty)


	11. the siMS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im gonna try to update tomorrow and Wednesday as an apology for not updating for so long, hopefully i can :))

**backhand** im playing the sims

 

**screams in dino** i know I’m in the same room as you

 

**santas lost elf** wait how come I’m not there too

 

**backhand** dae just got up and locked the door

 

**santas lost elf** dae what the fuck

 

**minnie** our boyfriends are basically boyfriends with each other

 

**santas lost elf** yeah minseok wanna fuck

 

**backhand** BITCH NO

 

**santas lost elf** DONT SLAM OPEN THE DOOR YOU FUCK

 

**KYA** must we yell

 

**gucci** stfu this is entertaining 

 

**lay me down** I forgot jongin lived with chan and baek

 

**KYA** apparently they forgot too

 

**satan** you can come over until they stop yelling

 

**KYA** im on my way

 

**backhand** yeol will no longer bother us

 

**mother** like you and dae or us as a gc

 

**screams in dino** yes 

 

**galaxy boi** dae what did you do to yeol

 

**screams in dino** baek helped too

 

**galaxy boi** did you tie yeol up

 

**lay me down** thats kinky 

 

**mother** yixing no

 

**lay me down** its a kink junmyeon

 

**mother** I know

 

**satan** junmyeon knows cuz it is one of his kinks

 

**mother** kyungsoo shut the fuck up

 

**child** can we go back to the fact that yeol is tied up

 

**backhand** no lets not

 

**child** lets

 

**mother** at least give him back his phone

 

**screams** **in** **dino** but he might use it to call for help

 

**mother** ill go over there right now

 

**backhand** fINE

 

**santas** **lost** **elf** baek will be fucking single if he doesnt untie me now

 

**screams** **in** **dino** baek: YEOLIE NOO O OO 

 

**santas** **lost** **elf** bitch try me

 

**KYA** is no one gonna talk about the fact that yeol is a fucking tall ass man

 

**KYA** how the hell did they manage 

 

**screams** **in** **dino** don’t underestimate us ;)

 

**satan** weren’t y’all playing the sims

 

**backhand** FUCK I THINK MY SIM LIT HIMSELF ON FIRE

 

**santas** **lost** **elf** burn

 

**lay** **me** **down** yeol is fucking pissed

 

**santas** **lost** **elf** not really but yeah

 

**backhand** I luv uuuuuuu

 

**santas** **lost** **elf** …

 

**santas** **lost** **elf** what do I gotta do for you to untie me

 

**backhand** get me a cat

 

**minnie** oof

 

**santas** **lost** **elf** how bout a kiss

 

**backhand** ill settle for that

 

**gucci** how is that all it took

 

**lu** baek can be very easy to please

 

**screams** **in** **dino** hes free and now its my turn to play the sims

 

**santas** **lost** **elf** im fucking dashing outta here before they chain me to the wall

 

**santas** **lost** **elf** junmyeon can I go with you till their done

 

**mother** sure why not

 

**screams** **in** **dino** BYE BYE

 

**backhand** BYE MY PUMPKIN PIE

 

**santas** **lost** **elf** we’re not doing this again

 


	12. good job, kitty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> layla gave me this idea to make a chapter of gathered here today like an actual fanfiction or make one of the chapters into a full fic-like chapter, ive decided to do the former since the story i wanna convey is better through writing and not texts :) enjoy
> 
>  
> 
> (**also note this wont always happen, texting chapters will resume next week for chapter 13)

Chanyeol snuck through his, Baekhyuns and Jongins apartment. 

 

Sneaking is a very difficult thing to accomplish when you live in a house with some of the wildest people to ever live. 

 

Jongin, however, was over at his boyfriend's Kyungsoos house, so it was a stroke of luck. Baekhyun though was a different matter. 

 

Jongdae and Baekhyun decided to have a sleepover, resulting in them being in random positions throughout the day. 

 

Which made sneaking a tad bit more difficult.

 

“Yeolie!” came a shout from Baek as he ran into Chanyeol, throwing his arms wide around his boyfriend's waist, his baby pink hair rubbing against the soft cotton of his hoodie as he laid his head on his chest.

 

“Hi, Baekkie,” he murmured back, leaning down to plant a quick kiss on the crown of his head before straightening up and seeing Jongdae had folded his hands and leaned his head on them, an adored smile taking over his features.

  
“Awwweeee~,” Dae dragged out the word, smiling as he watched his friend turn around and stick his tongue at him.

 

Baekhyun turned back around to his boyfriend, leaning back so his weight was supported by Chanyeol with his arms still linked around his waist. “Where are you going, Yeolie?”

 

Chanyeol blanked, not having thought up an excuse. His mouth was wide and eyes unfocused for a few seconds before he leaned back down to Baek so they were nose to nose. “I gotta go do something for a couple hours or so, okay? I’ll be back soon.” He raised his head slightly and kissed Baekhyuns nose and let go of him as Baek giggled. 

 

“Go have fun with Jongdae,” Yeol waved a hand in dismissal, Baek giving him one last squeeze and then jumping over the couch to snatch his abandoned controller. 

 

“Oh, we will,” Baek growled, clicking a button on the controller as he glared at Dae, him mimicking his actions, the white screen with the words MARIO KART 8 flashed on screen.

 

Chanyeol shook his head before opening the door of the apartment, closing the door behind him and started to walk towards his destination.

 

——————

 

A small bell chimed when the door to the animal shelter was pushed open by Chanyeol, him ducking his head in a small bow to a woman behind a desk, walking over shyly.

 

She smiled kindly at him, taking in his nervous demeanor. “Is there anything I can help you with, sir?”

 

Chanyeol wrung his hands before nodding and raising his voice to speak. “I want a cat.”

 

——————

 

The woman from the desk led him to a large room with cages on either side of the walkway split down the middle, multiple cats meowing or hissing in response to the twos entrance. 

 

“Do you have any idea what breed of cat you want, sir?” The woman asked, looking behind her shoulder at Yeol who was looking endearingly at the cats who brushed their faces against their cages.

 

Chanyeol looked ahead at her, a little thrown off, but shook his head. “No, no, I don’t. My boyfriend,” Yeol said hesitantly, seeing if the woman would falter in her steps, but she continued walking. “has been whining about wanting one for a couple weeks now.”

 

“So you’re finally going to get him once to shut him up?” She asked, smiling when Chanyeol gaped slightly. “Don’t worry, you’re not the first. Here,” she gestured in front of her to a small pen with another volunteer standing off to the side watching the small baby kittens totter around. “are the kittens. I assume you would want a kitten since most do.”  
  
Chanyeol nodded in confirmation. 

 

“Go inside, look at them, play with them, see which one seems the best fit for your boyfriend.” She opened the gate separating the two from the litter of kittens.

 

He stepped inside hesitantly, being mindful to look where he stepped before he leaned down on to his knees and waited patiently for a kitten to make its way towards him first.

 

A small chubby tabby tottered over to him, looking down at his knees and then up at him, giving off a small meow before pawing at his knee, meowing again.

 

Chanyeol laughed and reached a hand to gently run a finger over its head.

 

The cat gave a squeak of pleasure, leaning its head back into his finger.

 

Another kitten, a black one, actually climbed up onto his knee, its claws digging into his jeans. He relaxed, feeling the cats claws slowly retract as she gained footing on his thigh and stood there, meowing loudly at him.

 

Three more kittens came towards him before a pure white one bounded towards him, sending the tabby and a tuxedo cat scurrying out of the way, tripping over their paws.

 

The white cat trotted confidently up to the man, paw slapping at his thigh repeatedly before meowing angrily at it and repeating the process.

 

Chanyeol smiled, reaching out to place a hand in front of its nose, to which it sniffed his forefinger then gave it a little lick, a delighted exhale leaving Yeol. 

 

He picked up the cat in his hands after a little coaxing, glad no claws were digging into his skin and brought the animal up eye level to him.

 

“How would you,” he whispered to the cat, who seemed to be listening back with rapt attention, the man's breath making the cats long hair flutter. “like to be the new best friend to my boyfriend Baekhyun?”

 

The cat immediately gave a sharp meow in response, which Chanyeol took as a yes.

 

——————

 

Leaving the shelter after filling out multiple forms and buying the necessary equipment to take care of the cat, he pushed open the door to the shelter with his back, a small carrier for the cat in one hand and the other holding a large bag filled with food and toys.

 

Putting the bag in one hand in the trunk, he placed the kitten in the front seat, putting the seatbelt over the small carrier and buckling it in place.

 

Climbing behind the wheel of the car, he made his way back to his apartment.

 

——————

 

Dropping the heavy bag onto the floor, Chanyeol rummaged through his pocket before he found the keys to the apartment, sliding them into the lock and slipping them back into his pocket as he kicked open the door gently, glad to see Baekhyun and Jongdae were still occupied. 

 

He dropped the bag next to the kitchen, taking the carrier in both hands as he made his way to the living room where he heard the loud bangs and gunshots of an action movie playing. 

 

Coming up behind the couch, he saw Jongdae and Baekhyun snuggled warmly in swaths of blankets pulled up to their chins.

 

“Baekkie,” Chanyeol called to his boyfriend, to which Baek tilted his head back, a smile tugging at his lips when he saw his boyfriend.

 

“Hey, Yeolie,” he yawned, stretching his arm sad he turned his body around to face Chanyeol, Dae just opening his eyes sleepily from his spot under the blankets.

 

“I got you little something,” he whispered to Baek, walking around the couch with the carrier cradled in his hands.

 

Baek squinted at the small box, rubbing his eyes with his hands and looked again, eyes wide and mouth open in a small ‘o’. “Is that a…” he trailed off. 

 

The small cat gave a quiet meow in response.

 

Baekhyun stuttered for a moment, tripping over his words before he sprang up from his seat on the couch, leaving a wide-eyed Jongdae in his wake.

 

“A…kitty?” Baekhyun whispered, taking the carrier gently from Chanyeols hands, placing it on the couch softly and sliding open the latch, carefully opening the door.

 

The cat blinked up at him before slowly trotting out, looking down at and meowing at the couch below him, stepping out cautiously.

 

Baekhyun watched all of this with an adoring expression on his face, his hands folded into each other near his chest, his eyes following the kitten as it made its way towards him, stopping in front of the man.

 

Baek cooed, sticking out his hand towards the cat, to which it sniffed it hesitantly before lifting a paw and slapping his finger. He let out a shocked laugh, reaching around to pick the animal from its back, spooning it in the palm of his hand, leaning his head down to nose at the top of its head. He turned to Chanyeol with what looked like tears in his eyes, looking up at him with his bottom lip quivering. 

 

“Yeolie, Yeolie, you, you got me a—,” he broke off, something akin to a small sob leaving his lips.

 

Chanyeol came towards him, hugging his side so he won’t bump into the kitten still cradled in his boyfriend's hands.  

 

He kissed the small mans temple, bringing a hand up to brush his fingers gently through his light pink locks. “Of course I got you a cat. You’ve been saying you wanted one for a while.”

 

Baek was speechless, gazing down at the small creature in his hands in awe, bringing it closer to his face. “It’s so small…”

 

Chanyeol rested his head on top of Baeks, looking down at the cat too. “He is. The lady at the shelter said he didn’t have a name,” he looked down to see his boyfriends reaction. “You get to name him, Baekkie.”  
  
Baekhyuns eyes lit up even more, looking up to grin at Chanyeol. “Really?” He quickly averted his attention back to the cat. 

 

Jongdae made a noise from his spot on the couch, peeking up from his cocoon of blankets, blinking sleepily as he woke up from his nap, stirring slowly. He opened an eye, peering curiously at Baekhyun and Chanyeol. Only when he heard the sharp “meow” of the kitten did he sit straight up and throw off his blankets, tripping over them to get to Baekhyun.

 

“Is that a cat?!” He shouted excitedly, stopping in front of Baek and gasping at the small kitten cradled in his palms. “Oh my god, it is a cat,” he whispered, a smile tugging at his lips as he crouched down eye-level with the creature, putting his hand hesitantly in front of its pink nose. 

 

The cat sniffed his finger and lightly nipped his finger. Jongdae took back his hand with an affronted look on his face, cradling his hand to his chest. “Baek, I think you’re cat might be evil.”

 

Baekhyun let out a light laugh, already in love with his new pet, and even more in love with the man hugging him.

 

“Um,” Dae interrupted his thoughts abruptly, Baekhyun raising his head to look at his friend. “Does Jongin know you got Baekkie a cat, Chanyeol?” Dae asked right as the front door slammed shut, the clicking of the lock sounded and the couple looked at each other, looks realization showing on their faces.

 

“Shit.”

 


	13. SHIRO-KUN!!1!1!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> take this long chapter as an apology for not posting last week（/｡＼)

**backhand** BITCHES

 

**mother** what

 

**backhand** GUESS WHAT I FUCKING GOT

 

**KYA** no

 

**backhand** HAHAHA

 

**KYA** delete it

 

**backhand** I GOT A CAT

 

**lay me down** what

 

**gucci** the

 

**galaxy** **boi** hell

 

**screams in dino** im the godfather

 

**satan** yeol did you really get him a cat

 

**santas lost elf** yes

 

**mother** I don’t know wether to be like awww

 

**mother** or like you’re that whipped for him

 

**santas lost elf** yes

 

**minnie** what color is the cat

 

**backhand** white!!!!

 

**gucci** copying candy now r u  >:(

 

**screams in dino** i love both of them :()

 

**minnie** dont steal them

 

**backhand** I will literally cut you down where you stan if you dared

 

**lay me down** oof

 

**lay me down** the motherly instincts are kicking in

 

**mother** baek if you ever have any questions or concerns just come to me

 

**backhand** hes my child

 

**backhand** I love him more than anyone

 

**santas lost elf** im taking him back

 

**screams in dino** LMAO BAEK FUCKING RAN OUT OF THE LIVING ROOM WITH HIS CAT

 

**santas lost elf** for fucks sake

 

**backhand** you’ll NEVER take shiro away from me!!1!!!1

 

**child** you already named him

 

**backhand** of course I named him what kind of a mother do you think I am?!??!??

 

**screams in dino** yeah don’t underestimate him

 

**KYA** yeol we’ll corner him ill help you

 

**backhand** NO

 

**gucci** oof

 

**lay me down** taking a baby from its mother

 

**galaxy boi** a recipe for disaster 

 

**santas lost elf** baek please unlock the door I wont take shiro from you

 

**backhand** I dont BELIEVE u

 

**santas lost elf** baekkiiiieeeeeeee

 

**backhand** yeolieeeeeeee

 

**screams in dino** minseokiiiieeeeeee

 

**minnie** no

 

**screams in dino** :(((

 

**backhand** can we get the attention back on me thx 

 

**KYA** kyungsoo can I come over to your house again

 

**satan** come over whenever you want I don’t even blame you

 

**gucci** dae is yeol still waiting for baek to come out

 

**screams in dino** yes

 

**backhand** yeah and I’m not coming OUT

 

**santas lost elf** :((

 

**backhand** IT ONLY WORKS ON ME WHEN DAE DOES IT

 

**santas** **lost** **elf** dae wanna help me out

 

**lay** **me** **down** don’t this is funny

 

**screams** **in** **dino** but I wanna see the kitty

 

**screams** **in** **dino** :(((

 

**santas lost elf** FUCK HE RAN

 

**backhand** YEAH RAN TO DAE

 

**screams** **in** **dino** KITTY

 

**screams** **in** **dino** [1 image attachment]

 

**lay** **me** **down** the show is over

 

**KYA** thank god

 

**mother** the kitty is so cuteee

 

**galaxy** **boi** :3

 

**satan** its cute

 

**backhand** I. LUV. 111!11!!111!!!!

 

**santas lost elf** can I at least get a thanks

 

**screams in dino** EEWIE

 

**screams in dino** DONT LOOK SHIRO

 

**gucci** what happened 

 

**screams in dino** [2 image attachments]

 

**KYA** yucky

 

**satan** GET A ROOM

 

**mother** the kitty is still so cute

 

**screams in dino** IM SAVING HIS INNOCENCE 

 

**screams in dino** DONT LOOK AT YOUR DEMENTOR DAD


	14. valentines bitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy valentines :)

**backhand** happy valentines u hoes

 

**mother** is it valentines day

 

**screams in dino** YESSSSS

 

**screams in dino** minseok did you get me anything ;)))

 

**minnie** no

 

**backhand** yeolie did u get me anything

 

**santas lost elf** the cat was your gift

 

**backhand** but I wanted something for valentines :(((

 

**santas lost elf** its not too late to return shiro

 

**backhand** NO

 

**KYA** baekhyun stop fucking yelling

 

**KYA** yeol would never take back your cat please

 

**lay me down** jongins right he loves you too much

 

**screams in dino** awweee minseok why aren’t we like that

 

**minnie** because you’re the only animal I need in my life

 

**screams in dino** is that a compliment or

 

**minnie** or

 

**screams in dino** :((

 

**lay me down** wow whatta boyfriend 

 

**minnie** ikr I am a great boyfriend 

 

**KYA** i can feel daes moody ass from the other side of our complex

 

**screams in dino** :(((

 

**backhand** my poor bby dae :(((

 

**santas lost elf** minseok please go love your boyfriend my boyfriends mood is going down

 

**minnie** …

 

**screams** **in** **dino** :(((

 

**backhand** :((((

 

**minnie** fine 

 

**screams** **in** **dino** :D

 

**galaxy** **boi** all better now?

 

**screams** **in** **dino** VERY

 

**KYA** how nice 

 

**gucci** is jongin salty now

 

**KYA** maybe

 

**satan** the doors open 

 

**KYA** IM ON MY WAY

 

**backhand** he DASHED 

 

**mother** huh

 

**lay me down** why the “huh”

 

**mother** it’s valentines day 

 

**galaxy boi** junmyeon we’ve been over this multiple times 

 

**gucci** junmyeon doesn’t realize its valentines day cuz everyday with yifan is full of love!!!

 

**satan** I can feel the sarcasm from here

 

**bacon** wheres luhan and sehun

 

**screams** **in** **dino** uh hh h h 

 

**minnie** uh hh h h h

 

**lay me down** u h h h hh

 

**gucci** well you see—

 

**mother** you guys have no clue do you

 

**screams in dino** NOPE

 

**mother** not even you minseok

 

**minnie** in my defense I was tending to daes needy ass

 

**screams** **in** **dino** its valentines day be nice to me

 

**minnie** I was tending to daes beautiful but needy ass

 

**lay** **me** **down** is that even better

 

**screams** **in** **dino** no :(((

 

**minnie** oh shut up

 

**KYA** oh my fuck

 

**satan** no

 

**KYA** oh 

 

**satan** jongin

 

**KYA** my

 

**satan** shut up

 

**KYA** fucking

 

**satan** JONGIN

 

**KYA** GOOPPOOODSDDD

 

**KYA** [2 image attachments]

 

**mother** holy fuck thats beautiful 

 

**satan** jongin i’m gonna hurt you

 

**galaxy** **boi** even after you went and got him that big bear

 

**lay** **me** **down** and all those flowers

 

**satan** okay you don’t have to repeat what you saw in the picture

 

**screams** **in** **dino** and bear shaped chocolates

 

**screams** **in** **dino** ninis a lucky guy

 

**screams** **in** **dino** wish I could relate

 

**screams** **in** **dino** GswvwHAFWVN

 

**minnie** fuck off I’m the best boyfriend

 

**screams** **in** **dino** yeah says the man who PUNCHED ME OFF THE FUCKING BED

 

**gucci** why are y’all so destructive

 

**minnie** yeol and baek could be higher up than us for most destructive

 

**backhand** but I could never fight dae for top spot :(

 

**screams in dino** me either :(

 

**santas** **lost** **elf** minseok square the fuck up

 

**minnie** lets go bitch

 

**mother** y’all are so destructive my god

 

**minnie** dae

 

**screams in dino** yes 

 

**minnie** there be happy now

 

**screams in dino** :D

 

**gucci** what did he do

 

**screams in dino** he gave me a kiss

 

**backhand** shiro gave me a kiss too

 

**backhand** smooches

 


	15. UWU MOTHERFUCKERS

**backhand** o

 

**minnie** no

 

**screams** **in** **dino** w

 

**santas** **lost** **elf** stop

 

**backhand** o

 

**backhand** owowowowowowo

 

**screams** **in** **dino** OWOWOWOWOWO

 

**minnie** noooo

 

**lay me down** uwu?

 

**gucci** uWu

 

**minnie** zitao I will rip out your throat

 

**gucci** uwu

 

**lay me down** don’t kill him pls uwu

 

**galaxy** **boi** whats happening

 

**minnie** jongdae is destroying our relationship with owos 

 

**screams** **in** **dino** no oo o owo

 

**mother** what is an owo

 

**backhand** OWOWOWOWOWO

 

**screams** **in** **dino** UWUWUWUUWU

 

**minnie** dae STOP

 

**screams in dino** U FUCKING WU

 

**KYA** someone please distract them

 

**satan** baek how’s shiro

 

**backhand** UWU HES AMAZING

 

**KYA** fuck you kyungsoo

 

**satan** :(

 

**santas lost elf** yeah shiro loves me

 

**lu** are we uwuing

 

**gucci** where were you

 

**child** away

 

**lu** for valentines day

 

**lu** :)

 

**screams in dino** MINSEOK YOU SUCK HUNHAN WENT A WA Y FOR VALENTINES DAY :((

 

**minnie** shut upp p p p pp p p p 

 

**screams in dino** :”(

 

**backhand** dont worry dae shiro will cheer you up

 

**screams in dino** :D

 

**mother** two questions

 

**galaxy boi** yeah

 

**mother** one 

 

**mother** what the FUCK is an uwu

 

**backhand** owo??

 

**lay me down** oh nos

 

**mother** do we really wanna know what hunhan did on their date

 

**lu** no

 

**child** that’s classified info

 

**gucci** yalls some nasty ass boys

 

**child** I’m a child pls

 

**backhand** uwu junmyeon uwu

 

**mother** what

 

**minnie** delete it

 

**satan** what

 

**minnie** …

 

**minnie** you’ll find out

 

**screams in dino** UWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUWUW

 

**santas lost elf** oh for fucks sake

 

**backhand** OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW

 

**minnie** im breaking up with dad

 

**screams in dino** UWU YOU WOULDNT

 

**santas lost elf** im leaving baek for minseok

 

**backhand** YOU WOULD NEVER UWU

 

**lay me down** so shiro is gonna have only one dad now

 

**backhand** ö

 

**screams in dino** Ö

 

**backhand** THINK OF OUR CHILD YEOLIE

 

**KYA** yeol if you leave leave baek make sure to take the cat when you move out

 

**backhand** NO

 

**santas lost elf** baek stop yelling

 

**KYA** i feel a headache coming on soo

 

**satan** the door is open

 

**backhand** I have news

 

**lu** uwu??

 

**backhand** yeolies not breaking up with me!!!!

 

**mother** how nice

 

**satan** que bien

 

**gucci** i can see baek google translating that from here

 

**backhand** and you’re not???

 

**gucci** im lazy

 

**lu** im too tired to

 

**galaxy boi** i wonder why

 

**screams in dino** I’m the pervy one yifan stfu

 

**minnie** why am I dating you

 

**screams in dino** cuz you love me uwu

 

 

 


	16. he's burning...again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SOWWY FOR POSTING A DAY LATE MY ALARM DIDNT GO OFF WHEN IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO POST

**santas lost elf** now taking applicants to become my new boyfriend

 

**mother**?

 

**minnie** im also open for a new boyfriend

 

**santas lost elf** is dae playing the game too

 

**minnie** yes

 

**lu** wait

 

**lu** lemme guess

 

**lu** the sims???

 

**backhand** DING DING DING

 

**backhand** I also speak for dae when I say this that the sims mobile is now our life goodbye

 

**satan** its a pretty good game tbh

 

**KYA** soo you wont be as annoying as baek right

 

**satan** never

 

**satan** im offended you would even think like that

 

**child** is it better than the sims 3 mobile app

 

**screams in dino** SO MUCH BETTER

 

**minnie** so you respond to sehun but not even to your own boyfriend

 

**screams in dino** shut UP MONICA

 

**minnie** who the fuck is monica

 

**KYA** you’re monica now

 

**screams in dino** shut up too jessica

 

**KYA** could you have given me a less white name

 

**satan** thats the whole point

 

**galaxy boi** jongin is a bit slow excuse him

 

**KYA** HEY

 

**satan** dont be so mean to my jessica

 

**KYA** I’m leaving to go back to my place

 

**lu** wait you were at kyungsoos house the whole time

 

**child** steamy owo 

 

**galaxy boi** did dae mute the gc so he can play the game

 

**minnie** he put his phone on do not disturb

 

**santas lost elf** baek just mutted the gc

 

**santas lost elf** wait lemme try something

 

**lu** owo

 

**child** uwu

 

**santas lost elf** THAT FUCKER

 

**mother** what did baekhyun do

 

**santas lost elf** IM SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO BAEK

 

**santas lost elf** AND I TRIED CALLING HIM SO HE CAN FINALLY _TALK_ TO ME

 

**santas lost elf** AND HE FUCKING DECLINED MY CALL

 

**satan** **gasp** how shameful

 

**santas lost elf** don’t give me that sass

 

**lay me down** didn’t they play the sims 4 too

 

**santas lost elf** YES

 

**santas lost elf** AND THEY TIED ME UP

 

**lay me down** thats kinky

 

**satan** im getting deja vu

 

**lu** uwu time travel

 

**gucci** i dont think thats what deja vu is luhan

 

**lu** wh

 

**child** its okay bb you cant know everything

 

**galaxy boi** what is this role reversal 

 

**KYA** uhm

 

**KYA** what was that

 

**screams in dino** NOTHING

 

**mother** what happened

 

**screams in dino** N O T H I N G

 

**KYA** i heard a loud thud

 

**backhand** uh ohs

 

**santas lost elf** uh ohs indeed

 

**mother** what happened guys

 

**KYA** uh ohs

 

**mother** you know what 

 

**mother** I’m on my way there

 

**minnie** dont even bother

 

**minnie** im on my way over to your house junmyeon

 

**minnie** please leave the door open for this poor abused boyfriend

 

**screams in dino** minseokkkkkiiieeeeeeee

 

**screams in dino** don’t goo oo o o o o 

 

**minnie** should have thought about that before you pushed me off of the chair onto the floor fucker

 

**satan** again

 

**lu** really dae

 

**galaxy boi** dae come on

 

**mother** jongdae what the hell man

 

**mother** stop hurting minseok

 

**screams in dino** I DIDNT MEAN TO :((((

 

**screams in dino** HE JUST TRIED TO CLOSE MY SIMS GAME WITHOUT SAVING

 

**screams in dino** AND I PANICKED 

 

**mother** and pushed him

 

**screams in dino** AND PUSHED HIM

 

**satan** **sigh**

 

**KYA** soo I’m concerned why are you expressing stuff in asterisks

 

**backhand** *nuzzles and kisses*

**gucci** XD

 

**galaxy boi** what the hell just happened

 

**satan** was that an unintentional to finish the vine 

 

**galaxy boi** what

 

**backhand** I guess it was

 

**KYA** oh my gods

 

**KYA** baekhyun look at dae

 

**backhand** id rather not

 

**KYA** look at him

 

**backhand** oH MY GODS DAE HAVE YOU NO DIGNITY???

**lay me down** I can only imagine 

 

**KYA** [1 video attachement]

 

**lay me down** oh my god dae 

 

**mother** dae get up off of the ground

 

**satan** is he really grabbing onto minseoks leg

 

**minnie** like a toddler? yes he is

 

**santas lost elf** dae is screaming at minseok to not leave

 

**child** how hard is minseok trying to leave

 

**minnie** very hard

 

**KYA** not hard at all

 

**gucci** he doesn’t wanna hurt wittle daes feelwings

 

**minnie** not true

 

**santas lost elf** very true

 

**minnie** im tired

 

**backhand** dae: YAY

 

**minnie** im going to bed

 

**backhand** dae: ill join you!

 

**satan** is minseok saying what he’s typing out loud

 

**minnie** yes

 

**minnie** and I’m going to bed ALONE

 

**minnie** so don’t even bother trying to snuggle up to me when we get home dae

 

**screams in dino** :( okay

 

**backhand** they just left and dae looks like a wittle pouty baby

 

**KYA** thank god no more screaming

 

**KYA** i take that back I just heard screaming what was that

 

**mother** …

 

**galaxy boi** what

 

**backhand** MY SIM

 

**backhand** HES BURNING ALIVE

 

 


	17. fuck a ghost

**backhand** I know all of you were very worried

**minnie** we weren’t actually

**backhand** but you all are invited to my sims funeral

**screams** in **dino** HE DIED

**backhand** HE DID AND IM SO SAD

**santas lost elf** hes so sad he’s cuddling shiro extra hard now

**satan** thats sad poor sim

**KYA** wow

**KYA** how

**KYA**  sad

**screams in dino** JONGIN ISNT EVEN SAD HES HEARTLESS

**backhand** you’re so MEAN JONGIN

**santas** **lost** elf jongin don’t make baek more sad than he is now

**KYA** I DIDNT EVEN DO ANYTHING

**mother** awe poor baekkie

**backhand** NO POOR SIM

**backhand** SIM BAEKKIE DIED

**gucci** cant you fuck a ghost sim

**screams** **in** **dino** WOOHOO AND YES

**satan** isn’t that kinda twisted

**galaxy** **boi** its the sims soo

**satan** true

**mother** dae are you at baeks house still

**screams** **in** **dino** nah I left

**screams in dino** I’m watching ice age now

**lay me down** I LOVE ICE AGE

**screams** **in** **dino** UWU

**lay me down** WHICH ONE ARE YOU WATCHING

**screams** **in** **dino** THE BEST ONE THE FOURTH ONE

**gucci** uh oh

**santas lost elf** uh oh?

**mother** wait…

**mother** oh uh ohs

**lay me down** dae I want to cancel our friendship

**screams** **in** **dino** N-NANI

**minnie** I also want to cancel my relationship with dae

**backhand** HINATA???

**satan** did you mean hontoni

**minnie** oh my fucking god

**lu** she fucking dead

**minnie** GET OUT

**lay me down** jongdae I hope you know the reason why we are not friends anymore. You say Ice Age 4: Continental Drift is the best Ice Age film when you are Clearly Wrong. Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs is superior in many ways Ice Age 4: Continental Drift is lacking. For one; it doesn’t have a dinosaur hunting weasel with an amazing British accent.

**santas** **lost** **elf** but everyone did want to fuck shira

**galaxy** **boi** what kind of fucking mindset

**santas lost elf** she was lowkey hot okay

**screams** **in dino** ice age 4: continental drift has an AMAZING song about FAMILY at the end. it not only has a family centered plot but fucking pirates.

**child** pirates

**KYA** pirates

**KYA** I’m sold tbh

**backhand** can we go back to fucking ghosts

**gucci** yes we can

**backhand** good because I just made another one of my sims fuck the ghost

**galaxy** **boi** oooohhhh my goooodddd

**galaxy** **boi** can we stop talking about fucking

**gucci** i thought that was your favorite topic of conversation

**galaxy boi** dont get smart with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have a nice spring break!


	18. changing ideas...a lot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a fucking mess im sorry

**backhand** a wee wee

 

**screams in dino** a pee pee

 

**mother** excuse me

 

**screams in dino** i meaaannnnn

 

**screams in dino** a bleep bleep

 

**mother** better 

 

**gucci** i read pee pee as pepe

 

**minnie** someone remove him

 

**lay me down** I agree

 

**backhand** shiro agrees too

 

**gucci** yixing why did u betray meh

 

**lay me down** keep talking like that and you're heart is gonna get betrayed

 

**gucci** :(

 

**minnie** its your* you fuck

 

**backhand** e n e way

 

**backhand** im thinking of making shiro an Insta

 

**galaxy boi** you mean you haven’t already

 

**satan** yeah its more like we’re your own instagram you always send pics of shiro

 

**screams in dino** not that we’re complaining

 

**KYA** I’m complaining 

 

**KYA** i see enough of that cat at home I don’t need to see it here too

 

**santas lost elf** I thought you spent more time at kyungsoos house than at your actually home

 

**backhand** oOoOoooooo

 

**lu** oH MY FUCKING GODS

 

**child** what the fuck luhan

 

**child** luhan why are you crying

 

**child** BITCH WHY TF U CRYING

 

**satan** what

 

**lu** IM READING THIS BOOK 

 

**lu** AND I AM IN _TEARS_

 

**mother** looorrrdddd

 

**lu** OKAY SO THESE TWO CHARACTERS 

 

**lu** ARE GAY AS FUCK RIGHT

 

**galaxy boi** right

 

**child** DONT ENCOURAGE HIM

 

**lu** IM THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS TO SCREAM

 

**lu** AND THEY BOTH BECAME LIKE ACTUAL BOYFRIENDS

 

**lu** AND IM SO FUCKING SAD THEYRE SO FUCKING CUTE

 

**child** my gods

 

**lu** OF OLYMPUS 

 

**satan** lu

 

**lu** YEAH

 

**satan** what book series are you reading

 

**lu** uhHhMmmM

 

**lu** trials of apollo????

 

**satan** and what grade are those books for

 

**lu** middle grade???

 

**screams in dino** I WHEEZED

 

**minnie** MIDDLE GRADE BITCH

 

**backhand** mY luNGS

 

**lu** >:( 

 

**lu** youre mean

 

**_lu_ left the chat**

 

**satan** finally some peace and quiet

 

**_child_ added _lu_ to the chat**

 

**child** u cant leave me

 

**lu** why not

 

**child** I wont buy you that pjo boxset you want

 

**lu** fair enough


End file.
